new environment, new people, welcome to the home of the engineers. the expectations are higher, discipline level is much more higher, standard is higher, everything is much more tougher. so many things to do, so little time. no choice but to get used to it. till the day i'm standing in the safti parade square, i know i've succeeded in upholding the name and pride of the engineers. and darn, i didn't know there's this earthquke in taiwan, cos i haven't read the papers in a week. i lost touch with what's happening outside. a year has passed, welcome to the suck. january to june was school and work, june to present, army. once again xmas felt the same like it did for the past years. yeah, something off my chest but maybe i shouldn't have said it. what's done cannot be undone, everything's weird now. not like it used to be. a new year's arriving, and i'll be flying to brunei. new year's resolution? i never thought about it, cos by the time another year is over, i'd forget bout it. but if there's really anything at all i suppose it's commissioning. gonna change my blog skin soon, somehow i think this blog ain't my style.

it's x'mas eve, what's the big deal? i'm still not into the mood yet. i thought i'd enjoy this year's x'mas but i suppose it's been 4 years already and i'm used to thinking that this is just a normal day. something has been troubling me, it's not the past, i've long forgotten bout it already. i never expected myself to be trapped in a situation like this. it wasn't supposed to be like this, but it ended up like this. i can't help but feel this way and i don't know what to do. make known or keep it to myself? merry merry x'mas, lonely lonely x'mas

i'm back! not that i wasn't back during the weekends, in fact i booked out on friday. but my com crashed and i couldn't use my com. had a great week. mainly social night and passing out from service term. well the social night was not that bad, but it could be better. that's what i thought. peilnig was my date, haha the 1st bad thing to happen is to be late, and it happened. so kinda bad to start with haha. it was an enjoyable night, at least to me. and i hope i was a good date haha that, only she can judge. then next thing will be the passing out from service term. was supposed to go for hte 23km route march, however due to the rain, the route march was cancelled. it has been raining for almost everyday. really nice to sleep, especially when im at home. i'm posted to combat engineers, will be reporting to engineering training institute at nee soon camp on tuesday. and i will be flying to brunei on the 2nd of januray next year, very soon. so it's on to the next phase of attaining the prestigious sword, and this, is the most important phase. may the force be with me..

back from platoon field camp, im tired. 5d4n, what do we do? walk, walk and walk. then we attack, and defend. during defence, dig, dig and dig. then we recover all the shellscrapes and trenches. end of platoon field camp. the end result i got, rashes, blisters, aches and fatigue. the only thing beautiful i've seen during the field camp, is the moon. full round moon, majestic and empowering. it's bright with aura and full of energy, if only i could watch it with someone.
gotta reach wingline at 0700hrs later, cos of regimental duty, duh :-( why do we have to do it? i booked out this afternoon. came home to change and wash up then went out to meet peiling. had ben & jerrys, heavenly haha i forgot the last time i had that. i met the guys later in the night. we went to machperson to have a nice supper. i just finished chatting with dear mum, haa how funny she is. but it's nice chatting with her, or maybe i should just get her to read my blog hahaha finally, it's the festive season once again, x'mas is coming, so is end of service term. but end of service term = start of pro term, another tough phase.

i'm tired, time to sleep.

once again, it's sunday, i used to like sundays but now i hate it cos in moments to come i'm gonna be on the long and lonely journey back to camp. went to granny's place yesterday, nice gathering and before i knew it, it's already past midnight, another staurday gone. met the guys at lor 8 for awhile before heading home. breakfast this morning was good, had very nice kaya loti at killiney road kopitam with the same bunch of friends, the best kaya loti i must say, much better than yakun. not forgetting the very nice kopi-o. it's always nice, to come together with the guys for that one time in the week just to sit down and chit chat. catch up with each other, afterall we've known each other for almost 7 years already. and i'm pretty sure we'll go a long way down the road and talk about what we do now. it is till i'm in the army then i realised all these meeting up for dinner or breakfast of gatherings, it's stuff to cherish. when we talk about the past, how we used to play soccer together, do stupid things in class, we know we had fun. but of cos, there are regrets, but well the past is the past, the future is what we must look forward to, thats the only thing we can change. back to reality, 5d4n field camp, it starts tomorrow. it's gonna be tough, no one to complain to :-( i can't possibly bring my handphone there, i'd probably get a few extras. i'm gonna miss chatting with u every night la haha u know who u are. hopefully when i come back i won't be unrecognisable cos of all the mozzie bites. long week ahead sighhhhh...

back again. i booked out last night, but the connection was slow last night so i decided to blog today instead. long weekend, cos of the fieldcamp next week. the last week was fairly fast, GPMG live firing on monday. deadly weapon, one hell of an experience. defence planning on tuesday and went to mandai for recce on wednesday. thursday we had our 16m route march. and friday mainly used for loading of stores as preparation for fieldcamp. thats about it. during the route march, i was the rear scout. was walking with LT Jon so we chatted throughout. he's a nice guy, he shared his experiences, from personal to army stuff. it reignites the fire buring in me. the burning flame of learning, of wanting to be the best, to be given the sword. but meanwhile, i gotta worry bout the fieldcamp first. well, tough times don't last, tough men do. it's a dark saturday morning, cos it's gonna rain soon. nice weather to sleep, maybe i'll take a short nap :-)

check out the pic! i find it very natural, cos i wasn't even aware it was taken. a round up of the week. a mind taxing week, used alot of my brains doing AOP (Approval Of Plan). the 5 days passed by quite slowly but nonetheless, i still gotta go through it, so be it. hmm had demolition live firing, it was bombastic! claymore rules! i wanna blow that up again if given the chance to. i think thats about the main events that happened, nothing much that i remember. the other thing is, i nearly couldn't book out because of some imbecile bastard who doesn't think. this means i have to be on my toes all the time, cos they might put me on duty anytime anyday. nice breakfast this morning with b and ray at good ole toa payoh, reminds me of my beatty days. watched tv the whole day, and once again gotta book in later. till next week..

hmm, yesterday was a very good day, went to sentosa in the morning for platoon outing. the afternoon onwards was better, the company was good. thanks miss lim. haa hope i didnt scare u on your first bike ride haha. and im sorry for going around in circles, think i'll suggest to the tourism board to put up more sign boards haha. spent today resting at home, chatting with peiling, oh miss lim = peiling hahaha now i gotta book in so im feeling kinda down la. anyways i'll blog in again next week till then, another week of in camp suffering :-(

back to my humble abode :-) hmm quite a fruitful week, GPMG and SOC from monday to wednesday. i cleared my SOC, timing 8.54 mins. for the GPMG, i did quite well for the technical handling but not too sure bout the theory. went for this heartsavers course, learnt to do CPR haa quite funny doing it to a mannequin. but passed that course too. the delta wing happy hour was organised very well, but we didnt get to drink, why? strict orders from wing com. we had our wing cohesion day this morning, sort of a amazing race kinda thing. it's quite fun actually though we were running in full battle order. sierra idol was held in the afternoon, haha some people just cant sing, but to those who can really sing, well done! after that, book out! and here i am. haa i realised ive been chatting to peiling the whole week, hmm thanks ah for absorbing all my complains and encouraging me haha. thats all i have..

once again, i'm gonna book in soon. a pity i cant logon to blog in camp, i'm sure i'll have lots to say everyday. but it's alright, afterall i write journals in camp. the coming week should be quite busy, GPMG (General Purpose Machine Gun)! if i do remember correctly, 3 days of GPMG. hopefully it's not gonna be a tiring week. and hopefully we can book out on friday night again, which i think we can. in anyways, today seemed like a good day to me, minus the booking in of cos. chatted with peiling for like since morning till bout 1600. i think we kinda clicked well, maybe it's cos our age difference is just like 2 weeks difference? haha anyways i think she has real potential to be a lesbian. yes yes, i know u might be reading this but i purposely said that haha. do take care yeah, and hopefully i can find time to chat with u in camp yeap. it is now time for me to take my leave.. .. .. ..

u see, sometimes life gets u into this situation whereby u feel lost, simply lost. what do u live your life for? who do u live your life for? why do u live? have u ever wondered? my life's been abit screwed up since the start of poly days, i guess i've been slacking too much. but i'd like to think that nothing is too late, i can still do something bout my life. i'm stuck with army stuff now, think army, do army, army is my job. and when i'm in camp, all i look forward to is booking out. home is still the sweetest. u'll never miss home till u're away from it. at least when i'm lost, it's one place i can go to. not that the answer is there, but it's a place u'll feel safe, sheltered from troubles. i'm glad my family is always with me, especially mum, every weekend she'll cook for me without fail, that's love. not forgetting my friends, friend's i've known for almost 7 years. lotsa thanks to them, without u guys, i'm probably lost in some bermuda triangle of reality.

Gold Reward

friday night book out! yes yes! all because i got gold for IPPT last week, i'm glad, very glad. main highlight of the week is the patrol field camp, what an experience. minimal hours of sleep, and i mean like 1hr? ambush and patrol missions, swarms of mosquitoes, tiring experience. 1st time we camped at mandai, and we realised that the moquitoes there, not only commando trained but rangers too. the amount of mosquito bites on my body is so much it's like i'm having an acne outbreak. looks darned ugly. it was so tiring that the day we arrived back at wingline, which is yesterday thursday, that night we totally shacked out. for me, the moment i lied on the bed i knocked out, instantly. the worse part was, we had a test today, safety officer test and none of us actually studied cos we fell asleep. well what matters is i'm back n my sweet sweet home now. that's all for now..

24 Hours

argh! just 24 hours of free time for me for this book out. so many things to do, so little time. i gotta get all the stuff for the OPs Order and the AOP and i gotta phoptocopy stuff. the only time i have for myself, is my meals and sleep. the past week was very slow, it's the same mon-sat but it's just simply slow. finally got gold for my IPPT yesterday morning, ran a good 9.29 secs for my 2.4km. and i got 5 points for the rest of my stations, so i got a full mark and i'm happy with my performance. will continue to work hard and strive on. next week's gonna be a superbly tough week, patrol field camp mainly. 3 missions, very little rest, constant alertness required..shall see how it can be done. gotta fly, need to reach camp at 1330hrs. blog in again..so long

Regimental Stress

argh..OCS is very regimental. what can i do? we're supposed to be the cream of the crop so we have to act like cream. anyways, just an update for the week and here goes..

booked in on tuesday night after a long weekend, wednesday went fairly simple with lectures all the way. only shiong part was loading the stores for thursday's live firing exercise. it was very shiong, but damn cool. i could get killed anytime, just a sweep from the SAW gunner and off to heaven i go. it was really like war, very real and dangerous. very very good experience but at a price to pay if anything goes wrong. spent the whole day at the range basically. friday was spent on decorating the cookhouse for the DeepaRaya celebration and celebrating the occasion. our book out day was to fall on friday night but they changed it to saturday cos they wanted us to do our e learning in camp. so saturday, morning spent on interval training, i didn't join in cos i was unwell, e learning, just keep staring at the com and clicking then area cleaning and book out.

i miss home so super badly, it's just a few days only but i simply miss home alot. sigh..gonna book in later..

Monday Blues

it's a monday, nice and fresh. i'm glad i'm not in camp now, i need this long break. i've got a disgusting blister on the bottom of my feet and it looks like it's rotten or something. i can't even walk properly now, can't even spend the long weekend properly. i guess that's all for now, maybe i'll blog in later in the day.

Section Field Camp

finally a long weekend break. the field camp at tekong was super tiring. wonder why the 4km route march was so shack, maybe cos our field pack is much more heavier with added weight. anyways the campsite was at the OCS training shed. large area for tekaning. but at least the tekan i tasted is much lesser than the other sections cos of my instructor, he trains us in a way whereby he don't do the stupid stuff like casevac. he teaches us in a very effective way and i'm sure me and my section have learnt to be section commanders. the 1st daywas quite an experience, 2 NAVEXes (navigation exercise), both "holland" (meaning we got lost). the day was alright, cos we could see. but the night 1 was a supper killer, it was dark, we couldn't see clearly, the terrain sucks and the vegetation was super thick and we had to bash through. then we finally saw light but..there was a fence, so we had to go around the fence and finally get out. we were the last section to arrive at the meeting point for both day and night, i suppose LTA Sam was very disappointed. day 2 was totally on section drills, all the section drills were taught to us, run and prone run and prone. day 3 was the actual NAVEX and guess what, my section came in overall 1st. haa, before we moved off we can see LTA Sam was like super worried, that actually made me feel that i'm lucky, cos he's really a good leader and i'm gonna be like him 1 day. anyways i'm glad we came in 1st and made him proud. the 4th and last day we spent the morning doing our summary circuit, something like a test in the section drills. then packed up and moved off to TFT (Tekong Ferry Terminal). we managed to board the 1600 fastcraft and reached wingline at about 1730 then we cleaned our weapons and cleared all the stores, thats about it for the field camp..there's actually more to it but i'm kinda lazy to type it cos it can go a long way..just a summary will do.

Settling Down

well, finally i'm back. been in camp, though i booked out last week but it seemed like i had no time to blog in. so i'll just briefly update, just a summary will do cos there's really too much to write about. the 1st day in OCS was very quiet, i felt very lonely and lost. but slowly we came to know each other better and began to go through shit together. next came our 1st field camp in OCS together, though its just 2D1N, the last night was super shack. casevac all the way back to wingline, about 5km. in OCS, the instructors push u to the limit, its till u can cry while running, tears just roll down naturally. we have frequent runs, up to 4 times a week, we are training like national athletes. the thing about OCS is, they provide the best equipment, very good to work with. after 2 weeks, finally its parents visiting, whole family came, including siyu, grandma, uncle simon and aunty huay. brought them around, showed them my living conditions, told them about what i've been through in the past 2 weeks. and when it was time or them to take their leave, i suddenly felt an emptiness in my heart. can't bear to see them leave. the following monday, had initiation parade, got my junior bar, 2 milk chocs. the air and mids people are then transferred to air and mids wing. now it's purely army people in Sierra. training got very packed, a whole week to learn 4 weapons. now im trained in 4 new weapons. then came to the 1st book out. very short but better than nothing. booked in with a heavy heart. then after a busy mon-wed in SAFTI, we got a break. we went to signal institue on thursday-saturday. and now im out again but i'm gonna book in tonight again. sad sad sad..section field camp starts tomorrow, i'm very sure it's gonna get tough. will be going back to tekong. well i'm just looking forward to the coming long weekend. with that i end this session, hope i'll be back soon.

The Next Phase

it's been awhile since i blogged, well been busy slacking. playing the ps2, using the com etc. went to platoon chalet on wednesday and really enjoyed myself there. it was nice to catch up with my platoon mates and my section mates especially. and on fri, it's my birthday and my posting day. got my greatest birthday gift, i'm posted to OCS in SAFTI. it is my goal to be an officer, and by going to OCS, i'm stepping on a platform that will lead me to my goal. it will be tough, 9 months of training. but i try to think of the brightside, commissioning day, to have my parents put on the rank on my shoulders. i want my family members to be proud of me. so well, i got to report to SAFTI on monday, which is tomorrow. hope i'll adapt to the new environment soon and try my best to be awarded SOM (Sword Of Merit). only the top 20% of the cohort is presented the SOM. that will be my goal as an OCT (Officer Cadet Trainee). while i'm away hope my section mates in SISPEC will take care. hope my bros will take care in BMT and their respective postings. i suppose i will not have much time to blog in, but i will try and find time to. till then, OCS here i come. to the next phase.. .. ..to lead, to excel, to overcome.

Back To "The Island"

went back to tekong yesterday to send raymond off (like he's going to some overseas country). and just upon stepping into SFT, familiar faces appear. the Raven commanders are on duty, usherers at SFT. saw my mentors, KX, CK, Boo, Lokman and the other commanders. it was good to catch up with them, chatted for a moment and then boarded the fastcraft. it was a whole new feeling, no more homesickness, instead i was looking forward to heading back to take a look at the place i kicked start my 2 years of NS. simply good to be back. i finally have the feeling of sending a friend into NS. i never had the chance to do that. i hope ray will stick in there and do his best, hope that he adapts soon. well, he's lucky, at least there's mao and kinming in his company. only left tekong at about eveing time, the whole enlistment programme took quite some time. went home next, but was caught in the rain along CTE, but since it CTE i'd rather ride all the way home than to hide under some bridge. so i reached home like a drenched chicken. played the ps2, and then went to bed around 0100 i suppose. woke up early today, played ps2 again, then went to pay my bike installement. headed to j8 mac to meet up with jeslyn, she looks sweet haha. and headed back home thereafter. i've been occupied by the ps2 lately, FFX is cool. that's all for today. blog in again..

A Trained Soldier

POP loh! i am now a trained soldier. i should have blogged on tuesday but, i was hapily enjoying myself. i can finally have a good break. play the ps2, use the pc. here's what happened from my last book in till today.

Sunday

my last book in. when we reached SFT, there was a huge crowd. why? cos some idiots posted restricted stuff from the army in youtube.com. so the RPs have buffed up the security and they ahd to check everyone. when we reached coyline, every section was given 2 pizzas! 2 bottles of coke too. surprise suprise, it was a party! we stayed up till bout midnight to chit chat and finally went to bed.

Monday

somehow didn't really enjoy this day. cos of the stupid rehearsals. i'm sure the SSM made everyone hate him. so the day wasn't good. at night, i was told that i'm a reserved guard duty personnel on the 12th, worst case scenario. who wants to come back during blocked leave man?! no choice. then LT Ang came up to tell us our sittest and peer appraisal results. then i knew that i lost the platoon best spot cos i didn't get gold for IPPT. its alright, at least i know i'm good enough haha. LT Ang is good, he told everyone of us what he thought of us, after that we took photos cos LT C. K. came up too. this last night is havoc night. its way pass the lights out timing but still the lights were on. and no one bothered to scold us. most of us had a late night.

Tuesday

POP day! woke up in the morning and it was raining heavily. so i decided to skip breakfast. had wei quan to help me scan my 11b, and i slept till 7 and went to draw arms. area cleaning next followed by the course de-brief in the lecture room. after that we went up to pack up. then we had to place our duffel bags in the multi purpose hall and we went for lunch. did some SK after lunch and went back to do area cleaning. then it was a final warm up rehearsal then we are all waiting at the carpark for our parents to arrive. we expected a long wait but it wasn't the case. we used the time to chit chat and then finally, parade time. the march in the standing still, the saluting, everything was so unbelievable. the feelings and emotions flowing through me is beyond words. and the moment my dad put on the jockey cap for me, i felt like crying. i thought back to the 1st night i spent in camp till this day. i've done a good job i told myself, and this day is for me to enjoy. after the parade, went to collect my ration and duffel bag and met up with my family. got the digi cam and took photos with so many people. especially the commanders and my section mates. they were the ones who got me to where i am, and i sincerely thank all of them very very much. went to TFT to board the ferry, waited for a very long time, nontheless still worth it. finally able to go home. when i reached home, tons of unpacking to do. met up with the guys at prata, they're gonna get enlisted while i POP haha.

Wednesday

went to wei quan's place to play basketball and soccer. later we went up to his unit to play the ps2 and mahjong. it was enjoyable. i went off early. wanted some time for myself. so when i reached home i used the com had a nice nap and played the ps2 at night. aiming to complete FFX during my blocked leave.

till today i still feel the emotions rising in me. there are a special band of people i wish to thank, they are KX, CK, Hafiz, Lokman, Boo and my section mates. i owe a big big thank you to all of you guys. THANK YOU! u guys have helped me in a way or another.

The Last Week

i'm back again, wanted to blog in last night but was held up with something. tat's bro passed away, heard about the news yesterday morning. felt really sad for him. take care bro, life still goes on. i'm sure your bro went off peacefully and doesn't want his family members to feel sad for him, take care man.

anyways i just booked out for the last time, and i'm booking in for the last time tonight, time sure flies. i'll be passing out on the coming tuesday..POP loh! here's the summary of what happened in camp during the week.

Day 1 Monday

IPPT day. started off really well, got 5 points for all the individual stations. so i had high hopes in getting gold. but, i ran 10.01 secs, couldn't beat the gold timing. i was really disappointed in myself. i really wanted that gold, really wanted to have that high chance to be selected for OCS. LT Ang was there to calm me down. he told me it did not matter, cos during his time he ran 10 flat too.

Day 2 Tuesday

slack day. the day was filled up with the FFI. IPPT gold medallists and the drill squad members got 1/2 a day off. the others, IPPT failures retook IPPT. once again azmi just needed to do 1 more chin up, but too bad he couldn't make it. it's alright though, i'm sure you can do it. as for the rest of the company who didn't book out and retake IPPT, rest in the bunk.

Day 3 Wednesday

best BMT day ever! SOC in the morning, it was tiring but we completed it. we headed back to coyline next and got ready for lunch. after lunch, rest time. then it started to rain, super good weather to sleep. i had a good 2 hours of sleep before waking up to play daidee with the guys. LT CK then came into our section. i think he heard about the news from LT Ang that i was disappointed so he told me there was nothing to worry about and i don't have to be sad cos i tried my best. we had a good talk with him, it was enriching. he shared his experience with us, we asked about command school and he patiently answered all our questions. that little chat chat session sorta prep me up for command school.

Day 4 Thursday

Fun day. had CO parade in the morning, just a formality. it rained, so it was delayed. after lunch we had games day. it rained again so it wasn't that fun. we didn't do well in may of the games, except for COC. why? cos we got 2nd! and i ran too. i'm glad i had the support of the company, was really nervous before i ran but after hearing the cheers from the company, i simply ran. for Raven coy. and in the evening, recruit's night. eddy, john and dan it was a great performance. after that, the performance by the SAF Music and Drama coy, it was one hell of a party! simply like clubbing in tekong! then we went back to coyline to send arms and RO. after that, had a good rest in the bunk. LT Ang came up and he called me and graydon out. he told me i was platoon 2nd best and graydon is 3rd. eddy 4th and who's 1st? none other than benjamin. i congratulate him, he's good and has shown his potential.

Day 5 Friday

route march day. had graduation parade rehearsal in the morning. then in the afternoon we had the route march. started at 1500 hours and it ended at about 2300 hours. the 1st 4km was so-so. the 4-8km was mentally tiring. 8-12km was good cos dinner awaited us. morale down during 12-16km cos we walked for so long but we're halfway there only. my legs had no feeling for the 16-20km. and everyone was in a high mood for the last 4km. came back with blisters and abrasions. slept at around 0030 hours.

Day 6 Saturday

book out day. woke up at 07000 hours and had out rationed breakfast. had graduation parade rehearsal and out rationed lunch after that. standby area then RO. 2LT Jamin announced the award winners. surprisingly, recognition was given to the 2nd and 3rd platoon best too! 2 extra tickets..duh! i'm still happy, at least i got 2 extra tickets. after that, book out loh! 1400 hours fast craft. my dad fetched me home. gotta do laundry and stuff then went over to tat's.

Final countdown week

this will be my last entry till the coming saturday, cos i'll be booking in to spend my last week of recruit life. i've got IPPT tomorrow, SOC on wednesday and the 24km route march on friday. i sure hope i'll achieve gold for IPPT to increase my chances of getting to OCS. like what graydon and 3sg hafiz says, "it's all in the mind". army stuff aside, im quite satisfied with myself, being able to modify this template into my style. at least not bad for a 1st timer. will read up more on templates and tags when i book out again. good luck to me for my IPPT.

Start of a Chapter

i never thought i'd start a blog,

but maybe i should have done this earlier.

at least i can keep track of what i'm doing to my life.

seems to me that my life is kinda fucked up,

let's hope this can help me improve myself,

so i'll not leave behind tons of regrets when i get older.